Falling Apart

So as you can see I have not blogged in forever.... there are reasons for that... first of all there is a ton of stuff going on with my daughter... and she is first and foremost in my life...
Then I went to this weird phase of not knowing what kind of wedding I wanted... big and fabulous or small and intimate... I am terrified that I am going to wake up on 01/23/2010 and have the biggest regrets that it was not worth it...I dont want that... I guess no bride really wants that.....My wedding planner told me that I needed to take 2 weeks off and not think about weddings... I did not take her advice at first (surprise surprise)...
I guess I dont want to spend 35k and then think hmmmm that could have been put elsewhere... I dont want any regrets the next night... Like a BAD one night stand...
Then I told my wedding wedding planner that I wanted to push the wedding off until 11/05/2010... I am not even sure if that is what I want to do... but I did not know what to do...
So I have given myself this week to figure out what type of wedding I want and when I want it ...
In the meantime I am going to do another thing that my planner advised and I am going to cut my list... I only want the people that I love and that love me the most....and that is that... there may be some hurt feelings... but I dont care... I dont want anyone there that I wont remember when I look at my album 6 months from my wedding date!
It may seem like I am all over the place... that is because I am... I dont know if every bride is this way but I know that I am... More to come....